I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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