I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
