and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
