the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
