come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
