she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
