At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
