i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I can't turn off my feet"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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