...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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