I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
