the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
