I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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