is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
