How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
