Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
