Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
