saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
