I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
