Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I forget how to act sober
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
