Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
