Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
