This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
