Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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