i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
