i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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