Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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