I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize