someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
