I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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