i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
