I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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