i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
