I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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