God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
