I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
