either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
