Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
i think my cat just said my name.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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