i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
