Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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