somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
