Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
the room spins SO much faster in panama
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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