I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
