last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
