Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize