just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
