last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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