i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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