too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
