Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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