Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
