Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
