Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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