Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
