I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
