I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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