Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
