he thought i was a dude.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
