don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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