Don't you send me to vm
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
