State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
