Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
