Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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