She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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