I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
