It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Randomize
