its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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