i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
