I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I have aggressive nipples.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
