This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
