He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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