they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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