Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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