The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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