after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
