Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The best revenge is premature balding
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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