I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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