I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We're too hungover to prance.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
