what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
