I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
