Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
