My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
