She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
