my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
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