I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
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