i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
