my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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