Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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