does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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