I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
