I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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