you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize