So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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