I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
