worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
