I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
