Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
