i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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