You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
